![]() ![]() They’re not just from direct bosses and teammates but also from “internal customers” all over the organizational chart. The asks are formal and informal, large and small. All day every day, most of us are fielding requests. If you become skilled at conveying both, you can avoid burnout, increase your influence, and enhance your reputation.Įver since companies started working more cross-functionally and collaboratively, exchanging top-down management for dotted-line reporting with fuzzy accountability, work has gotten more complicated. A good yes allows you to serve others, add value, and collaborate effectively. If the answer is yes, make it an effective one by explaining how you think you can help, pinning down the deliverables, and laying out a focused plan for execution.Ī considered no protects you. Moreover, it’s communicated in a way that makes the asker feel respected. A good no is all about timing and logic-it’s in order whenever things are not allowed, cannot be done, or should not be done. If you do have to turn someone down, deliver a well-reasoned no. First, assess each ask, systematically gathering the details that will allow you to make an informed judgment. Tulgan, who spent decades studying what makes people the most highly valued, indispensable employees at organizations, presents a three-part framework for managing the flood of requests. So it’s crucial to learn when to say no and how to say both no and yes. The inflow is so great, you can’t possibly agree to everything. The asks are formal and informal, large and small, and from all across the organization. Here’s what to do if you can’t afford therapy.If you’re like most people, you’re constantly fielding requests at work. According to Anhalt, “A therapist can help you identify both what you need and what blocks you from advocating for what you need.” ![]() When am I more likely to accept a request I’d rather decline? How can I reduce these challenges?īesides exploring the above questions, it can help to work with a therapist, if that’s available to you.In the past, when have I said yes and then ended up regretting it?.Will saying yes be good for my mental health? Or will it worsen my symptoms?.Will saying yes make me even more tired or burnt out?.What are my core values, beliefs, and current goals?.Does this potential project, opportunity, or activity align with my values, beliefs, and goals?.Will saying yes prevent me from focusing on something that’s more important?. ![]() To kick-start the discovery process, ask yourself these questions anytime you’re not positive about how to proceed: Other times, we simply need to gather ourselves enough to speak up.Įither way, here’s your permission slip to start thinking about when it’s best for you to decline. Sometimes, we say yes because we don’t know what we want. Put another way, we think declining makes us look incompetent. ![]() In other cases - like a work situation - we might worry that saying no says something about our ability to accomplish a certain task, adds Washington. But you forget that your ability to accommodate others isn’t an endless well,” Anhalt says. “It’s also possible that you say yes because you deeply want to help. Nicole Washington, a board-certified psychiatrist and the chief medical officer of Elocin Psychiatric Services.Īnother reason yes pours out of us? Our past.Īccording to Anhalt, while growing up, you might’ve not learned to advocate for yourself. Or, we don’t want to disappoint a good friend or hurt someone’s feelings, notes Dr. Emily Anhalt, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Coa, an online mental fitness club. So, we might blurt out yes because we don’t want to be seen as difficult, says Dr. Bohns writes in a 2016 research review examining people’s influence over others, “Many people agree to things - even things they would prefer not to do - simply to avoid the considerable discomfort of saying ‘no.’”įor example, a series of small studies, published in 2014, found that when asked, many people would acquiesce and commit unethical acts, such as telling a white lie or vandalizing a book - even when they felt these acts were perceived as wrong.Īs social creatures who want to be part of the herd, we also want to preserve our relationships. For starters, it’s important to realize that if saying no is challenging for you, you’re not alone.Īs social psychologist Dr. ![]()
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